Understanding Anxiety-Based School Avoidance: A Whole-Child Approach

By Joanne Callan, Relax Kids Coach and Children’s Reflexologist. First published in www.ni4kids.com July 25 Issue.

As the school gates close for the summer, many families breathe a sigh of relief. For some, it marks the beginning of precious family time. While for others, summer brings fresh challenges: juggling work and childcare, managing the costs of holiday clubs, and simply keeping up with the demands of daily life.

For families of children who struggle with anxiety-based school avoidance (ABSA), the holidays can offer a rare opportunity to pause. After months of emotional strain and difficult mornings, this break may feel like a chance to breathe, reconnect, and begin the journey toward healing.

In my work as a Relax Kids Coach and Children’s Reflexologist, I’ve supported many families facing the exhausting and often misunderstood experience of school avoidance. I’ve seen how anxiety is frequently misinterpreted as defiance or poor behaviour when, in reality, the child’s nervous system is simply overwhelmed.

One parent I worked with told me, “In those few short meetings, you helped me understand anxiety and gave me hope that we would come through it.” For them, a key moment was shifting the focus from attendance to wellbeing. “The most important advice you gave me was to take school off the table for a while and to make the focus about wellbeing and not about school.

The Emotional Understanding of Anxiety

Many approaches to anxiety focus on helping children understand how their thoughts influence feelings and behaviours. These strategies can be life-changing. Learning that thoughts are not facts and that fear is often a false alarm helps children feel more in control.

I believe this knowledge should be part of every child’s education. Understanding how the brain works gives children tools to manage worry and self-regulate in times of stress. But emotional awareness is only part of the picture.

Anxiety is Also Physical

What’s often overlooked is that anxiety is not just something we think—it’s something we feel. For children who don’t show obvious signs of sensory processing differences, physical triggers can go unnoticed.

The fight, flight, or freeze response is hardwired into the most primal part of our brain. It’s designed to keep us safe by reacting to danger. But in our modern world, the brain often misreads sensory input—bright lights, loud noises, uncomfortable clothing—as threats. When the senses are over- or under-stimulated, the nervous system works overtime, pumping out stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. Over time, this can lead to physical illness, fatigue, and heightened anxiety.

School Environments Can Be Overwhelming

School can be a significant source of sensory overload. Uniforms are often made from synthetic or restrictive materials that children can’t easily adjust. Adults have the freedom to choose clothing that suits them—or even leave a job if the uniform or environment is too uncomfortable. Children don’t have that option.

In school, children are often surrounded by noise, movement, and social pressure. Many schools are structured around group activities, fast-paced schedules, and environments that favour extroversion. For quieter, more sensitive children, this can be exhausting and deeply dysregulating.

Would We Expect the Same of Adults?

We rarely talk about anxiety-based work avoidance. If an adult was vomiting every morning before work, crying in the car park, or experiencing panic attacks, we’d encourage them to take time off, talk with HR about what changes need to be made, or change jobs.

When a child reacts similarly to school, we often respond with pressure to “get them back in.” This is not only unfair—it’s harmful. We need to stop blaming children for what is, in many cases, a nervous system in distress.

A Compassionate, Holistic Approach

Supporting a child with anxiety requires a whole-child perspective. Emotional tools are important, and so is understanding the child’s sensory world. Parents can begin by observing patterns: What triggers anxiety? What helps them calm down? Are there particular sounds, textures, or environments that overwhelm them?

In some cases, working with an occupational therapist may uncover hidden sensory processing needs. Addressing these can lead to profound improvements in a child’s ability to cope—not just in school, but in everyday life.

Summer as a Time to Reset & Heal

For children experiencing school-based anxiety, the summer holidays can be a time to rest and regulate. Rather than rushing to plan for next term, it can be more beneficial to simply focus on wellbeing. School is off the table for a while. Rebuild trust, restore balance, and allow both you and your child’s nervous system time to settle.

With the right support, understanding and a flexible holistic approach, I believe all children can thrive not simply survive.

Joanne Callan is a Relax Kids Coach and Children’s Reflexologist supporting children and families in understanding and managing anxiety. Learn more at: www.trythealternative.net